You are definitely not the only person who thinks about death, and while you say you “shouldn’t,” it makes sense to me that you would based on all you’ve survived and experienced in your life already. I hope you can release yourself from the pressure to not think about death. Almost everyone in the world is… they’re just not talking about it openly. You might try researching a Death Cafe in your area (many of them are happening online now too because of COVID-19). They’re informal gatherings where people of all ages and backgrounds come together to talk about death in an open way.