Stop Telling Me I Dodged A Bullet
You say my ex is “crazy.” But that doesn’t help my heart.
My fiancé and I broke up in May of this year. It’s been a rough ride ever since, both with her and with the friends and family who surround and support me. I’m finding that most people know how to respond to a breakup about as well as they know how to respond to a death: not very well. And it can be incredibly isolating and silencing.
“At least you didn’t find all this out AFTER you got married.”
“She’s clearly going through something. Be glad it doesn’t involve you.”
“Wow, YOU dodged a bullet!”
Yes.
Maybe./Yes.
Yes.
All of the above statements are true, at least partially. But you know what? Facts aren’t the same thing as compassion.
The Grief Recovery Institute would label this a classic case of “intellectually true, emotionally NOT HELPFUL.”
Here’s how it goes: People think that intellectualizing a breakup makes it all better — that polarizing your ex, turning them into a monster, pointing out how improved your life is without them somehow changes the fact that your heart is broken.
